I found out recently that we live in a pretentious world; I know you would be saying have you been living under a tree for you not to notice this? Well everyone is saying that they want to be with someone who is real, themselves, and as soon as you show them your self or let them in, the castigations come flowing your way. Infront of you they commend you on being “so real” behind you they stab you in the back and insult you? I have noticed this a lot, especially when it comes to girl/boy relationships, men in particular. Nigerian men in particular or should I generalize it and say African men. Nigerian men I have had experience with in this department, they always moan to you that they cannot find any “real” girl out there anymore, all the girls they meet are too fake, or are money grubbing whores, and they are looking for someone who is real and knows herself. In the long run, its all a farce, why do I say so? Well fellas, how many of you are guilty of when you meet a lady who has no pretence what so ever, you applaud her in her face and say to her that she is a breathe of fresh air, then you turn round and say to your friends, mehn this girl is either a whore number 1 or she is too free-spirited number 2 or even say men, this girl would not make a future mate? Sometimes you may not even say it to your mates, but inside of you, it festers.
You compliment her on everything, she has no pretence what so ever, you start a relationship with her, you make her feel wanted and loved everything, she is there for you, helps you with your school work, chats with you at night when you are doing you 12 hour security shift, accepts your friends, even though she cant stand them, finally she instills hope in herself that there are a few good men out there, then WHAM!!! You tell her you cant continue anymore with the relationship, because she said something like, she does not see anything wrong with walking up to a man in the club and telling him you like him in terms of how he looks?!!! Am I the only one who does not see something wrong with this picture? They tell you that, that kind of behavior is reserved for hear it, white ashaewo girls! That one is double standard or what! I know we live in a man’s world, but fellas its like the 21st century now, some of you need to drop that cave man behavior, cause its not cute at all. I have met girls in a party when you offer them alcohol, they look at you like you offered them a one way ticket to go to hell, and snottily inform you that they don’t drink and look at you with contempt that you dare bring alcohol in their vicinity and you dare drink it in their presence, with so much husband material around. These girls have a nice stash of Russia’s finest hidden under their beds, cause you know that vodka has no smell. The men look at you in shock, like a Nigerian girl drinking? I look at them like F*&* you, you have a drink in your hand as well!!!!

Well you could have blown me over with a feather! They then proceed to tell you to pretend a little, pretend for their sakes, pretend, pretend, and pretend. When you can’t pretend, they leave you and come up with another excuse “You are not African enough” You challenge me when I talk to you, you back talk (Is he my mom or dad that I should not voice my opinion out?) Then proceeds to tell you why so many Nigerian guys in the Diaspora go home to marry because they cannot cope with how “Un-African” their girls have become. These are the same guys when they enter the white man land, remove all traces of being African, weaving their hair, wearing earrings and trying to cop an accent! Then when its time to marry wants a good ol’ African girl that would bow down to their every whim.
Next thing you see them with a fake ass whack girl, whom you know very well is getting down and dirty with 3 other men, and pretends to that one that he is her light, her everything, does everything for him, pretends to be the good girl, he goes to himself this is the one you can take home to mama, meanwhile ol’ girl is fucking everything that moves, tells you that she has only had one boyfriend in her life and that you are number 2, tells you some sob story, meanwhile is running some game on you. You marry her, a couple of years down the line, she lets you go.
Meanwhile the “real girl” you let go, is left high and dry, in the cold, with a broken heart and faith in the male species. She says to herself, does that mean that in order to get a man in this day and age, I have got to pretend to the next man, make him think that I am a “born again” virgin? Make him think that I can cook him 4 square meals a day, wash his clothes, give him anal sex and still go and earn some money? She watches her friends, she sees the way they operate, her friends have been warning her for years now on her “real” behavior, telling her ol’ girl, all this one you dey form would not get you any where, it wont get you a marriage proposal. Yeah men are going to find you fascinating and all, and tell you, you are a breathe of fresh air, but they are never going to call you their wife. They want you to pretend to them, be something you are not until he puts the wedding ring on your finger then revert back to your normal self. This happens, my friend once said to me, I will love a man, the day he puts the ring on my finger. Love don’t live here anymore.
Personally I just think it’s the men that have an insecurity issue, that they cant have a woman who thinks for herself, instead they need a woman who lies and pretends to them, personally those men deserve it. The same thing goes for women as well. I am not bashing males here, I am just pointing out facts here, so feel free to leave your opinion.
I have met men, who are good, and like you no matter what kind of character you exhibit, but girls warning, try a little fakeness, and lie a whole lot more about your past, to seem more angelic especially if its time for you to sign your life away to a man. Trust me it works, don’t be all super woman, and I am all for women’s lib, especially if your dream man, is Christian, educated and Nigerian, always play your cards well.
The floor is now open.